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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24234748">A Life Worth Living</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Higgles123/pseuds/Higgles123'>Higgles123</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Legend (2015)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/M</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 19:20:11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,907</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24234748</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Higgles123/pseuds/Higgles123</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Ronald "Ronnie" Kray/Reader</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>22</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>A Life Worth Living</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="yiv8005834889ydp2c3c77aep1">
  <span class="yiv8005834889ydp2c3c77aes1">Rosalie Violet Kray was born in the early hours of a Tuesday morning in late spring; the time of year when the morning sky is painted in vibrant shades of pink and orange and the birds chirp their dawn chorus. It was to that very dawn chorus that after fifteen hours of watching his wife labour, Ronnie Kray became a father for the first time. And most probably the last time if he was being honest with himself, because he didn’t think he could ever bare to see the woman he loved in that much pain again. It had been fucking tortuous.</span>
</p>
<p class="yiv8005834889ydp2c3c77aep2"> </p>
<p class="yiv8005834889ydp2c3c77aep1">
  <span class="yiv8005834889ydp2c3c77aes1">To you though, nothing had been quite as tortuous as Ronnie’s behaviour since your daughter had come into the world. He had been a nightmare when you were pregnant but now that the baby was here he was even worse. He refused to go to the club; refused to leave your side; refused to help Reggie do anything. He pulled a face if anyone came round and held the baby; well apart from his mother of course, but even Reggie was subject to a scowl and supervision from his brother while he stood at the sink and washed his hands to Ronnie’s satisfaction. Then when Reggie did have hold of little Rosalie, Ronnie would tell his brother he was holding her incorrectly and then snatch her off of him.</span>
</p>
<p class="yiv8005834889ydp2c3c77aep2"> </p>
<p class="yiv8005834889ydp2c3c77aep1">
  <span class="yiv8005834889ydp2c3c77aes1">
    <em>“Ron, I do know how to hold a fucking baby,” Reggie would roll his eyes. “I’ve had three.”</em>
  </span>
</p>
<p class="yiv8005834889ydp2c3c77aep3"> </p>
<p class="yiv8005834889ydp2c3c77aep1">
  <span class="yiv8005834889ydp2c3c77aes1">
    <em>“Oh really?” Ronnie would narrow his own eyes. “Cos you’re holding my baby girl like she’s a fucking football, mate.”</em>
  </span>
</p>
<p class="yiv8005834889ydp2c3c77aep3"> </p>
<p class="yiv8005834889ydp2c3c77aep1">
  <span class="yiv8005834889ydp2c3c77aes1">The sad truth of the matter was that even after everyone had left and it was just the two of you, Ronnie’s eagle eyes would watch everything you did as well.</span>
</p>
<p class="yiv8005834889ydp2c3c77aep2"> </p>
<p class="yiv8005834889ydp2c3c77aep1">
  <span class="yiv8005834889ydp2c3c77aes1">
    <em>“Are you sure you’re not fastening that nappy a bit too tight?”</em>
  </span>
</p>
<p class="yiv8005834889ydp2c3c77aep3"> </p>
<p class="yiv8005834889ydp2c3c77aep1">
  <span class="yiv8005834889ydp2c3c77aes1">
    <em>“Don’t you think it’s too cold in here for her not to have her blanket?”</em>
  </span>
</p>
<p class="yiv8005834889ydp2c3c77aep3"> </p>
<p class="yiv8005834889ydp2c3c77aep1">
  <span class="yiv8005834889ydp2c3c77aes1">
    <em>“Isn’t it a bit too hot for that blanket?”</em>
  </span>
</p>
<p class="yiv8005834889ydp2c3c77aep3"> </p>
<p class="yiv8005834889ydp2c3c77aep1">
  <span class="yiv8005834889ydp2c3c77aes1">
    <em>“Should the Moses basket really be underneath the window? What if someone throws a brick through it and she gets hurt?”</em>
  </span>
</p>
<p class="yiv8005834889ydp2c3c77aep3"> </p>
<p class="yiv8005834889ydp2c3c77aep1">
  <span class="yiv8005834889ydp2c3c77aes1">
    <em>“I don’t think it’s a good idea to have it over there by the fireplace in case a bird comes down the chimney.”</em>
  </span>
</p>
<p class="yiv8005834889ydp2c3c77aep3"> </p>
<p class="yiv8005834889ydp2c3c77aep1">
  <span class="yiv8005834889ydp2c3c77aes1">
    <em>“Are you sure you’re feeding her right? Her nose looks a little squashed against your tit, you know. Are you sure she can breathe like that?”</em>
  </span>
</p>
<p class="yiv8005834889ydp2c3c77aep3"> </p>
<p class="yiv8005834889ydp2c3c77aep1">
  <span class="yiv8005834889ydp2c3c77aes1">That final one had been the icing on the cake, and you had curtly told Ronnie that perhaps when he produced milk he could have a say on how to correctly feed the baby but until then he better keep his mouth shut.</span>
</p>
<p class="yiv8005834889ydp2c3c77aep2"> </p>
<p class="yiv8005834889ydp2c3c77aep1">
  <span class="yiv8005834889ydp2c3c77aes1">“I could murder you and blame it on hormones and get away with it,” you had pursed your lips. “In fact, the police would probably give me some sort of medal for doing them a favour.”</span>
</p>
<p class="yiv8005834889ydp2c3c77aep2"> </p>
<p class="yiv8005834889ydp2c3c77aep1">
  <span class="yiv8005834889ydp2c3c77aes1">Ronnie’s lips had twitched at that, and he kissed the top of your head before disappearing to make you a cup of tea. After that day he calmed down more with you, although everyone else still got the Ronnie treatment when they came to visit. And heaven help anyone who dared to approach the pram when you were out for a walk. It was a common tradition for people to put a silver coin in a newborn baby’s hand and the people of the east end were eager to continue that tradition when it came to little Rosalie Kray. However, Ronnie behaved as though they were about to brush her palm with a bullet and not just a silver coin. You actually thought he was about to snap poor old Mrs Best’s fragile little wrist just the other day but luckily she’d heard how over protective Ronnie was over his child and was prepared. She held out her hand and passed the coin to Ronnie, stating that it would be just as lucky if he placed the coin in the baby’s palm instead of her.</span>
</p>
<p class="yiv8005834889ydp2c3c77aep2"> </p>
<p class="yiv8005834889ydp2c3c77aep1">
  <span class="yiv8005834889ydp2c3c77aes1">The days and weeks passed and very slowly Ronnie seemed to calm down a little. He had even left you both for an hour here or there to attend to business at the club. However, you hadn’t realised that your husband sat up night after night watching over Rosalie while she slept. Not until you woke up to go to the toilet one night and gasped when you saw your him stood over the Moses basket beside you.</span>
</p>
<p class="yiv8005834889ydp2c3c77aep2"> </p>
<p class="yiv8005834889ydp2c3c77aep1">
  <span class="yiv8005834889ydp2c3c77aes1">“Ronnie, what the hell are you doing?” you hissed, placing a hand over your wildly beating heart. “You frightened the bloody life out of me. I thought you were a ghost.”</span>
</p>
<p class="yiv8005834889ydp2c3c77aep2"> </p>
<p class="yiv8005834889ydp2c3c77aep1">
  <span class="yiv8005834889ydp2c3c77aes1">“I’m watching the baby, what does it look like?” he scowled at you.</span>
</p>
<p class="yiv8005834889ydp2c3c77aep2"> </p>
<p class="yiv8005834889ydp2c3c77aep1">
  <span class="yiv8005834889ydp2c3c77aes1">“Why? It’s the middle of the night?”</span>
</p>
<p class="yiv8005834889ydp2c3c77aep2"> </p>
<p class="yiv8005834889ydp2c3c77aep1">
  <span class="yiv8005834889ydp2c3c77aes1">“I always do it,” Ronnie shrugged as though it was completely normal to sit up all night like a psychopath.</span>
</p>
<p class="yiv8005834889ydp2c3c77aep2"> </p>
<p class="yiv8005834889ydp2c3c77aep1">
  <span class="yiv8005834889ydp2c3c77aes1">“You do?”</span>
</p>
<p class="yiv8005834889ydp2c3c77aep2"> </p>
<p class="yiv8005834889ydp2c3c77aep1">
  <span class="yiv8005834889ydp2c3c77aes1">“Yeah,” he nodded. “Sometimes she makes these funny little noises and I get worried about her.”</span>
</p>
<p class="yiv8005834889ydp2c3c77aep2"> </p>
<p class="yiv8005834889ydp2c3c77aep1">
  <span class="yiv8005834889ydp2c3c77aes1">“What sort of funny noises?” you frowned in concern.</span>
</p>
<p class="yiv8005834889ydp2c3c77aep2"> </p>
<p class="yiv8005834889ydp2c3c77aep1">
  <span class="yiv8005834889ydp2c3c77aes1">“Just funny noises,” he exclaimed. “What am I, a fucking parrot? You expect me to just recreate the noises right now?”</span>
</p>
<p class="yiv8005834889ydp2c3c77aep2"> </p>
<p class="yiv8005834889ydp2c3c77aep1">
  <span class="yiv8005834889ydp2c3c77aes1">“No, I’m just asking what kind of noises they are, Ronnie,” you sighed.</span>
</p>
<p class="yiv8005834889ydp2c3c77aep2"> </p>
<p class="yiv8005834889ydp2c3c77aep1">
  <span class="yiv8005834889ydp2c3c77aes1">“Well I don’t fucking know, do I?” he stood up suddenly. “Stop fucking nagging me!”</span>
</p>
<p class="yiv8005834889ydp2c3c77aep2"> </p>
<p class="yiv8005834889ydp2c3c77aep1">
  <span class="yiv8005834889ydp2c3c77aes1">As Ronnie stormed out of the room, Rosalie woke up and cried as though her little heart was breaking. Resisting the urge to follow your husband and find out just what on earth he was playing at, you scooped up your tiny little baby girl, breathing in her sweet newborn scent and putting her to your breast to feed. As she suckled, you couldn’t help but calm down as you stroked her soft dark hair and listened to the sweet little contented gurgles she made as she drank her tears away.</span>
</p>
<p class="yiv8005834889ydp2c3c77aep2"> </p>
<p class="yiv8005834889ydp2c3c77aep1">
  <span class="yiv8005834889ydp2c3c77aes1">“Mummy’s a comfort eater too,” you grinned down at her.</span>
</p>
<p class="yiv8005834889ydp2c3c77aep2"> </p>
<p class="yiv8005834889ydp2c3c77aep1">
  <span class="yiv8005834889ydp2c3c77aes1">And soon enough she was milk drunk and fast asleep once more. You held onto her for a little while longer, wondering how it was possible to love someone so small so much until finally you forced yourself to lay her back down to sleep. She made a small sound of protest but soon settled and you lay down to do the same.</span>
</p>
<p class="yiv8005834889ydp2c3c77aep2"> </p>
<p class="yiv8005834889ydp2c3c77aep1">
  <span class="yiv8005834889ydp2c3c77aes1">Only sleep would not come. You could hear Ronnie downstairs listening to the radio quietly, and you could just see him in your mind’s eye. With a sigh you swung your legs out of bed and went downstairs to find him. You barely held back a smile when he was just as you suspected; sat in his armchair, smoking a cigar in his boxer shorts while his face was screwed up in that scowl you found so endearing.</span>
</p>
<p class="yiv8005834889ydp2c3c77aep2"> </p>
<p class="yiv8005834889ydp2c3c77aep1">
  <span class="yiv8005834889ydp2c3c77aes1">“Where’s the baby?” he grunted.</span>
</p>
<p class="yiv8005834889ydp2c3c77aep2"> </p>
<p class="yiv8005834889ydp2c3c77aep1">
  <span class="yiv8005834889ydp2c3c77aes1">“I threw her up onto the roof and left her to freeze outside,” you answered sarcastically.</span>
</p>
<p class="yiv8005834889ydp2c3c77aep2"> </p>
<p class="yiv8005834889ydp2c3c77aep1">
  <span class="yiv8005834889ydp2c3c77aes1">“You’re not funny.”</span>
</p>
<p class="yiv8005834889ydp2c3c77aep2"> </p>
<p class="yiv8005834889ydp2c3c77aep1">
  <span class="yiv8005834889ydp2c3c77aes1">“Not even when I do my impression of your mum?” you smirked, and you saw Ronnie’s lips twitch ever so slightly.</span>
</p>
<p class="yiv8005834889ydp2c3c77aep2"> </p>
<p class="yiv8005834889ydp2c3c77aep1">
  <span class="yiv8005834889ydp2c3c77aes1">You sat yourself down on his lap so that your legs dangled over the arm of the chair, and you gently removed his glasses so that you could rest your forehead against his. You felt his hands tighten around your waist and through the thin material of your nightdress they were warm. You closed your eyes as you felt his lips brush against yours, his tongue slipping into your mouth to dance leisurely with your own. When his hands reached up to cup your face, you smiled against his mouth because you knew for a fact those very hands had hurt and even killed people, yet they touched you with such gentleness that it sometimes brought tears to your eyes.</span>
</p>
<p class="yiv8005834889ydp2c3c77aep2"> </p>
<p class="yiv8005834889ydp2c3c77aep1">
  <span class="yiv8005834889ydp2c3c77aes1">“I love you, Ron,” you pulled back to look at him.</span>
</p>
<p class="yiv8005834889ydp2c3c77aep2"> </p>
<p class="yiv8005834889ydp2c3c77aep1">
  <span class="yiv8005834889ydp2c3c77aes1">“I love you too, Y/N,” he nodded, his face softening slightly as he looked at you.</span>
</p>
<p class="yiv8005834889ydp2c3c77aep2"> </p>
<p class="yiv8005834889ydp2c3c77aep1">
  <span class="yiv8005834889ydp2c3c77aes1">“Are you gonna tell me why you’ve been acting so crazy about the baby?” you asked. “Hmm?”</span>
</p>
<p class="yiv8005834889ydp2c3c77aep2"> </p>
<p class="yiv8005834889ydp2c3c77aep1">
  <span class="yiv8005834889ydp2c3c77aes1">“I aint been acting crazy,” he scowled at you, but it was without his usual malice. You raised an eyebrow and he rolled his eyes. “Alright, I’ve been a little bit over protective, so what?”</span>
</p>
<p class="yiv8005834889ydp2c3c77aep2"> </p>
<p class="yiv8005834889ydp2c3c77aep1">
  <span class="yiv8005834889ydp2c3c77aes1">“So what?” you scoffed. “You’re behaving ridiculously, Ronnie.”</span>
</p>
<p class="yiv8005834889ydp2c3c77aep2"> </p>
<p class="yiv8005834889ydp2c3c77aep1">
  <span class="yiv8005834889ydp2c3c77aes1">“I can’t help it,” he sighed, closing his eyes; shutting himself off from you. “I’m scared.”</span>
</p>
<p class="yiv8005834889ydp2c3c77aep2"> </p>
<p class="yiv8005834889ydp2c3c77aep1">
  <span class="yiv8005834889ydp2c3c77aes1">“Of what?”</span>
</p>
<p class="yiv8005834889ydp2c3c77aep2"> </p>
<p class="yiv8005834889ydp2c3c77aep1">
  <span class="yiv8005834889ydp2c3c77aes1">“Of something happening to her,” he let out a shaky breath. “I weren’t never like Reggie; I never wanted marriage and kids and all that. Then I met you and I couldn’t think about anything else. Now I’ve got everything I want and it’s fucking terrifying. I’d rather be locked in a room with all of Charlie Richardson’s pathetic gang with just my bare fists to fight them with then feel the way I feel right now.”</span>
</p>
<p class="yiv8005834889ydp2c3c77aep2"> </p>
<p class="yiv8005834889ydp2c3c77aep1">
  <span class="yiv8005834889ydp2c3c77aes1">“So what are you saying?” you swallowed the lump in your throat. “You’re saying you don’t want us no more?”</span>
</p>
<p class="yiv8005834889ydp2c3c77aep2"> </p>
<p class="yiv8005834889ydp2c3c77aep1">
  <span class="yiv8005834889ydp2c3c77aes1">“No,” he opened his eyes to look at you intensely. “That’s definitely not what I’m saying. I’m just… I’m terrified that all of the bad things I’ve done in life, all the lives I’ve ruined, are somehow gonna back to haunt me. I’m terrified that she’s gonna pay for what I’ve done in life. I mean, I worry about you too but it’s different somehow. You knew what you was getting into when you married me and chose this life, but she didn’t. She never asked to be born.”</span>
</p>
<p class="yiv8005834889ydp2c3c77aep2"> </p>
<p class="yiv8005834889ydp2c3c77aep1">
  <span class="yiv8005834889ydp2c3c77aes1">“Ron,” you cupped his face, brushing your lips against his in a gesture of comfort. “Nothing will happen to her, I know it.”</span>
</p>
<p class="yiv8005834889ydp2c3c77aep2"> </p>
<p class="yiv8005834889ydp2c3c77aep1">
  <span class="yiv8005834889ydp2c3c77aes1">“But you don’t know it,” he clenched his jaw.</span>
</p>
<p class="yiv8005834889ydp2c3c77aep2"> </p>
<p class="yiv8005834889ydp2c3c77aep1">
  <span class="yiv8005834889ydp2c3c77aes1">“I do,” you smiled, peering into his face refusing to let him turn his gaze away from you. “I know it because I trust that you wouldn’t have brought her into the world with me if you didn’t think we could keep her safe.”</span>
</p>
<p class="yiv8005834889ydp2c3c77aep2"> </p>
<p class="yiv8005834889ydp2c3c77aep1">
  <span class="yiv8005834889ydp2c3c77aes1">“Yet that’s exactly what I’m trying to do and you keep nagging at me for it,” he muttered.</span>
</p>
<p class="yiv8005834889ydp2c3c77aep2"> </p>
<p class="yiv8005834889ydp2c3c77aep1">
  <span class="yiv8005834889ydp2c3c77aes1">“Yes because there’s no point in doing your upmost for her to live if she can’t actually enjoy living.”</span>
</p>
<p class="yiv8005834889ydp2c3c77aep2"> </p>
<p class="yiv8005834889ydp2c3c77aep1">
  <span class="yiv8005834889ydp2c3c77aes1">“She’s three weeks old,” Ronnie looked at you pointedly.</span>
</p>
<p class="yiv8005834889ydp2c3c77aep2"> </p>
<p class="yiv8005834889ydp2c3c77aep1">
  <span class="yiv8005834889ydp2c3c77aes1">“Yeah and in the blink of an eye she’ll be sixteen and she’ll have never left the bloody house or gone to school or made friends, or even had a sleepover at Uncle Reggie’s with her cousins.”</span>
</p>
<p class="yiv8005834889ydp2c3c77aep2"> </p>
<p class="yiv8005834889ydp2c3c77aep1">
  <span class="yiv8005834889ydp2c3c77aes1">Ronnie harrumphed as though you were being ridiculous and pulled you against him so that your head was tucked beneath his chin. Ronnie pondered your words and he knew you were right. But it was just so bloody hard.</span>
</p>
<p class="yiv8005834889ydp2c3c77aep2"> </p>
<p class="yiv8005834889ydp2c3c77aep1">
  <span class="yiv8005834889ydp2c3c77aes1">“I’ll try, ok?” he murmured, kissing you on the top of your sleep mussed head.</span>
</p>
<p class="yiv8005834889ydp2c3c77aep1">
  <span class="yiv8005834889ydp2c3c77aes1">You smiled and patted his chest, listening to the steady beating of his heart beneath your ear. But then seconds later you found yourself on the floor while Ronnie darted upstairs to soothe Rosalie who had once again started crying. You shook your head and grinned. Maybe you wouldn’t change Ronnie if you were being honest.</span>
</p>
<p class="yiv8005834889ydp2c3c77aep2"> </p>
<p class="yiv8005834889ydp2c3c77aep1">
  <span class="yiv8005834889ydp2c3c77aes1">“Y/N, I take it all back!” Ronnie yelled. “We left her for two seconds and now she’s been sick everywhere. She could have fucking choked to death. I aint never taking my eyes off her ever again.”</span>
</p>
<p class="yiv8005834889ydp2c3c77aep2"> </p>
<p class="yiv8005834889ydp2c3c77aep1">
  <span class="yiv8005834889ydp2c3c77aes1">Ok, maybe you would change him.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
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